bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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