what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
