At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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