Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
