I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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