I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
