Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
