He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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