Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
two words...techno handjob
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
