saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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