I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
