Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
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You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
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You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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