just come out here and I will go home with you...
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
