I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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