Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
