Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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