I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
