last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just gargled with NyQuil
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
