It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
