By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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