either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
