I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
