Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
