he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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