??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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