when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
