Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're like a gay fantastic four
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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