this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
