Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
