Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
