I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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