he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
