He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
