Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
