After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
So vagazzling was a success
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
