I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Pants are for mortals
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
