shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
