I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Damn victory sex feels great
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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