Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
