I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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