Pappa wants mamma naked
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
