tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
