I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
