she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
