i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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