My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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