i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
