Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
my god I love twenty year old dicks
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
