I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
