is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We got so high we made milksteak
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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