The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
