You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
