Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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