two words: eviction party
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
