Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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