I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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