What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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