I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
