we have officially lost it.
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
