i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
