finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
