Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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