i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
