i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
