Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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