Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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