Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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