Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
