All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
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She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
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I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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