You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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