Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
