I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
